Me with two of my sons and their women--Arlo, Marina, Day, and Rebekah.
Happy Picnic Day at Joan's.
Waiting for a day I feel better, feel creative again, may be a long way off. I hope not, but I feel the urge to be in touch with all of you, to bring you up to date on my journey. Things do not look the way I expected them to. After being with my daughter in South Dakota, and having a lovely time in the Black Hills with Wendy and Rock and their kids, my grandkids--four delightful teenagers and a whip smart eight year old almost able to hold his own--I thought I would continue to feel better and better.
I began my plan to return to New Mexico, investigated a place near Sedona called New Mexico Women's Retreat, thinking to bring spirit back to body more fully. My brother visited from Seattle and we walked by the Willamette River on a day that Eugene weather showed off and made everyone believe this must be paradise. It has been a lovely summer here, really, and as we let it go and move into fall I'm not as determined to escape as I might have been. That is, not yet!
Me and my little brother Paul
The primary distraction from moving back to what I personally think is paradise, however, is a very unwelcome visitor, visitation, invasion. As yet we don't believe it is an extension of cancer, it is not being treated as such. I've not had chemotherapy since April.
But what has come is Pain. My entire middle is in pain, centered at a focal point near my spine to the right just above my waist, and extending throughout the diaphragmatic area and organs, and into my right shoulder.
My wonderful general practitioner has been unable to determine a cause, my oncologist has likewise come up with no clear idea, I've seen a pain specialist who has some ideas that might help. We're on it. But so far, Aaaaaaghghghgh!
So that's why you don't hear from me. I am so hideously under the influence of constant pain, constant, and then also under the influence of various pain medications and nerve pain medications which confuse my thoughts, and flatten my mood. I feel sometimes like I'm coasting. My digestion seems affected, so eating is difficult again. Most days I'm unable to drive. My sister Gwenda has been here with me for almost two weeks. It's been wonderful, such a help, she's done the driving, shopping, and homemaking, and supported me to do things I might not have done. And helped me get on some homeopathics that help. We're great friends too, and have had fun.
Gwenda doing healthy things in Arlo's kitchen
Last weekend we went to the Shrewsbury Faire near Corvalis, Oregon. Lots of people in Renaissance and other period clothing--garb. Amazingly good traditional food. We had some Hagis--lamb and oat, comfort food. We watched madrigal players, fencing, and real full contact jousting on horseback. Gems, jewelry--his and hers--metal work, wizardry, alchemy. It was lots of fun. I could never have done it without the "horseless carriage" that a gate person graciously offered ("m'lady"). They were renting electric carts--my first experience.
Special shout out: David and Debra, if you have a photo or two to send from your delightful presence at the Faire, I would love to have them, to display them here.We made it to the Eugene Celebration Parade too. Real party animal, I am! Old news is that the end of August, I moved back to Arlo's house in West Eugene, from the sweet little room I had near Friendly Street Market. So those of you who've visited me, know where I am again, or where I'm not, depending on when you were with me!
I will need and want your visits. My sister is leaving tomorrow morning and I will miss her. Being a little bit mobility challenged is a new thing for me. I may need rides to appointments and shopping. What would be really nice, too, is to do fun things--go places, a movie, an event. I'll be working that out for myself with my network, and simultaneously hoping that the inability to walk a block will be very, very, temporary.
This is deteriorating! I'll add a few photos and let it go. Let me know if you visit the blog. Love to all. Thank you for your beingness.